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Think back to our two-minute challenge where the boss' boss is asking you for

personal services.

How do paraphrasing and rapport help you there?

Well, the way they help you there is that they help you work through

to finding a solution to the situation.

First off, you're going to be cheerful and positive.

And second off you're not necessarily seeking to clarify

because that could be aggressive move.

So you're asking me to do a personal service?

No, nor are you really summarizing here.

What you're doing instead with paraphrasing in this circumstance

is seeking a conceptual shift.

That would be fantastic.

I would love the opportunity to come by your house.

Maybe I could get a few pointers from you when I leave or something.

Or maybe we could have a little time to talk and I could get some pointers.

That would be great, I would love to meet your kids and

learn a little bit more how you achieve work-life balance.

Let's hear how one of our experts thinks about it.

>> So there's a line.

And that line's pretty clear.

That leader has an obligation not to ask for

personal favors and you have every right to say no.

Now just like everything else,

there is a certain amount of personal courage you have to take in saying no, and

I've seen that situation, in some small businesses where someone says,

hey have this person come over, or can this person come over and do that.

Part of it is if that turns into a pattern or

if it's something you simply don't want to do, say no.

Sometimes there's an opportunity if that leader says hey,

I understand that you know this very well.

Do you think you can come over?

And if they're asking if you can do these things for free, just say well,

if I'm going to do that on an off time this is what I charge per hour.

And it's okay to say that.

But sometimes there is an opportunity to have a direct conversation with

that leader or to learn some things from that leader.

So, you say I'm going to do these things make sure that there's a very direct

benefit as in, hey I'm willing to do that but I tell you what in exchange for

that I would like a two hour one on one to pick your brain about these topics.

So turn it into a win and, also, if it turns into something

that becomes a consistent habit, that may be a problem.

But if they're asking you to do something once or twice, or whatever, and

it's an opportunity for you to get face time or to pick that person's brain,

just be explicit and say, you know what, I'm more than glad to do that, but

in return you have to buy me lunch and

you have to allow me ask you how you built your career.

>> Watch what Ronny just did and the way he thought about that.

He used paraphrasing in his thinking about this to affect the conceptual shift.

So he made the conceptual shift from you're really exploiting me

to wow this is a great opportunity to learn from the boss' boss.

And that paraphrasing was a conceptual shift both for him and the boss' boss.

So paraphrasing in terms of taking it in a positive way and

helping put it in another context, because really, the boss' boss is unlikely to be

thinking of this is a perfect opportunity to exploit someone's under my power.

Although I suppose it could be an unconscious motivation.

More likely, you're there, you're a go getter, you're interesting,

you're interested.

Somebody the bosses boss wants to have around his or

her children, it's an opportunity.

And if you paraphrase with a conceptual shift, assuming positive intent.

You may end up with something more positive out of this than you could

ever have imagined.

>> I've seen a lot of people, and myself included,

you sometimes go through extra lengths when there's a review in progress, or

you know that you just want to, not even if there's a review,

you just want to do well for somebody, to build a new ally and

to build strong relationship, and show you're willing to do whatever it takes.

I think when there's clearly something like a review in mind,

it starts to say, well, am I not cutting it at the office?

And doing good enough work that I need to resort to getting in coffee?

And do I want to work in a place like this?

And so I think there's a few angles on here.

One is really understanding the team environment and

making sure that it is actually what you think it is.

So this person might just always ask for coffee even after these are done and

it really has nothing to do with the reviews.

You've just joined at the exact right time to where everybody feels like it is

related to the reviews, but this boss just refuses to get his or her own coffee.

And so you have sort of made an artificial connection that doesn't really exist.

So, one is double check your understanding.

I think that is always a good starting point.

Ask others.

My hope here is there's somebody tangential to the boss, or

maybe your supervisor doesn't work for the boss who can be an advocate for you here.

because certainly, you don't want to be going to your boss.

If you have that hard conversation, and script it out.

I'm really tired of getting coffee, so I'm going to get a top rating.

No one's going to say, you're right.

You got me, how can you come up with some alternate angle so

that people can really have a little bit more of a legitimate a conversation on

the things to think this [INAUDIBLE] to think about.

>> What if you don't want to do it though?

Can you use rapport and paraphrasing to help you

work through this situation in a way that declines nicely?

Some of that has to do with, have you in fact created a rapport?

And can you say gracefully, particularly for

things outside of work, you know, that would be something.

It would be a great opportunity to spend some time at your home and with your kids.

I'm unable to do that this weekend.

The things at work, the fetching coffee and

doing errands, those are a little harder and those you may just need to do.

And again, the kind of rapport and the kind of energizer you are in these

conversations and the kind of personal relationship that you are creating and

sustaining is going to matter for a long time for you at work.

Not everything we're asked to do makes a lot of sense to us at the time.

Not everything is something we want to do.

Somethings you just live with.

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1.5.5: What Happened Next? Personal Services

Shaping Your Professional Brand

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