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Think about the kinds of situations in which you were listening.

A friend who comes to you really upset.

Does the friend want you to solve the problem or just listen and empathize?

A boss who's trying to give you a task, are you empathizing or

now are you trying to gather information?

A meeting where you're trying to solve problems, your team has a problem,

you have a deadline to meet, there's an obstacle.

Now maybe what you're doing is not either empathizing or

gathering information, now maybe you're trying to synthesize and problem solve.

All of those require different kinds of listening.

In each case when you're listening, how you listen effects

the person who is speaking and often much more powerfully than you have any idea.

One of exercises that's fun to do in a classroom involves sending

some speakers outside the room, getting three or four people who can speak for

two minutes about something they're really enthusiastic about, and

sending them outside of the classroom, and then letting them in one at a time.

The first person who comes in and has a designated listener.

Their listener's been coached to be really enthusiastic, lean forward, nod,

be enthusiastic when the person is speaking.

And everybody in the class thinks that's really interesting, and so

speaker number one goes and sits down.

Speaker number two comes in.

Speaker number two's listener has been coached to sit totally impassively.

And people in the room start to notice a difference in what happens to the speaker.

Now speaker number three comes in.

Speaker number three comes and

speaker number three's listener has been coached to do this.

Very often, both speaker number two and speaker number three will slow down or

lean forward or say are you still with me?

Trying to get their listener to re-engage with them.

Then speaker number four comes in.

Speaker number four's listener has been coached to look up,

make eye contact, and then spend the whole rest of the person speaking, taking notes.

Speaker number two, number three and

number four have completely different experiences in their conversations.

Since speaker number one who had an enthusiastic nodding,

paying attention listener.

And in no case did the listener ever say a word.

And yet, the listener's reaction to the speaker completely

controlled in so many ways what the speaker was doing.

Caused the speaker to lose momentum,

caused the speaker to be enthusiastic and keep going and keep explaining.

You have a lot of power as the listener and we don't often think about that.

>> So I think active listening is extremely important.

I think if you take a scenario where you're

walking into a meeting with somebody or

a conversation, and say you bring your computer or

your notepad, for example, to take notes.

I think it's really important kind of from the onset to

do something small like communicate and say, just so

you know this is why I have my computer here to take notes if that's okay.

Or I have my notepad here to take notes if that's okay.

And by doing that and being communicative up front in that specific scenario,

I think the listener will know they are actually listening to me.

They're not distracted, they're not doing anything else on their computer,

their notepad, they're listening to what I'm saying.

And so, I don't have to repeat it twice.

And that's something really important with a job, because you want to

make sure that you're not wasting the time of the person that's helping you out.

So, I think if you have to take notes, then you can do it that way, but

also engaging, making eye contact and

then also I think asking follow up questions is really important.

Because only retaliating what you had heard,

I think it's good to nod your head and sound like you're really listening.

But I think to retaliate or ask questions and follow up really shows me or

shows the listener or the person that's giving me information,

it's very valuable because you then know, okay maybe there's certain things that

I didn't communicate well enough or things of that nature so.

Yeah, active listening is incredibly important in the workplace.

>> When I was hearing grievances, in an early part of my career,

I was regularly a grievance officer.

One of the things that I learned was that if at the end

of hearing someone's grievance, I could repeat back accurately,

what they had said as the essence of their concerns, even when I ruled against them,

they would thank me afterwards for running a really fair hearing.

And they would say to me, well, you didn't rule for me and this was really fair.

You really heard me, you really listened.

Because the act of listening and really processing through your brain

what someone says is a powerful marker of respect.

It's a powerful marker that I'm in the moment, that I'm paying attention to you,

that you matter in this interaction.

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1.3.3 How Are You Listening?

Shaping Your Professional Brand

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