[MUSIC] Welcome to the second part of the course on the importance of listening. In the first part of the video on the importance of listening, we have established that attentive listening is crucial to the work of aid workers. In the second part, we address the question of, how do we listen? We listen with our ears, of course, but also with our eyes, as the attitude and body language of the other person will tell us a lot. And actually, we listen with our whole being. Let us identify four levels of listening, each one having a different effect on the other person. The more superficial level is called cosmetic, or selective listening. You are talking to me, I maintain eye contact with you, yet most of the time, my mind is busy with other business. You might wonder, is this person really with me? Then there is the second level, called conversational listening. I am engaged in the conservation with you, I listen to what you're saying, and in particular, to what helps me process my own thinking. Here you might think, this person hears and understands what I'm talking about. At a deeper level, there is active, or attentive, listening. I am fully focused on what you're saying, and I invite you to go further. I can use, for example, open questions such as, what made you think that, or, how did you feel when this happened?. And in doing so, I'll help you move forward in your own thinking, in your own processing. When I do so, you might feel, this person really cares to understand what it means for me. And finally, there is what we call deep listening. I am fully present and focused not only on what you're saying, but also on you as a whole person. With my observing, with my senses and my intuition, I am perceiving things that you don't even say, and I can feedback to you what I perceive. And here, you might say, this person helps me understand my position more fully than I can, myself. And speaking with her feels good. What I want to underline with these four levels of listening, is that the way you listen to someone has a direct impact on the person you are listening to, remember that. Now, how can we become better listeners? In particular, when we communicate with people of other cultures who speak with us a language that is often not their own and not our own, active and deep listening will enable us to capture messages beyond the actual words. And it is so important to be able to do that, when words are not enough to express an appalling experience or suffering. Therefore, deep and active listening are as much a matter of attitude as a matter of skills. In your attitude, you want to be proactive and empathetic, which means you are curious, eager to learn, to meet the other person. You are eager to understand. You probably don't know, and hopefully you don't know, what it is to have your house destroyed by a hurricane, or to have lost track of your small child while fleeing away. You do not know, but you can try and imagine. And you can invite this particular person's experience in, acknowledge it, and give it a space. You want to be fully attentive to the person's behavior and body language. And as well, you want to be receptive to get hidden messages that are expressed indirectly. When you are attentive and receptive, you perceive feelings and emotions, energy and commitment. You can perceive underlying beliefs and values, assumptions, resistances, or doubts. You might also perceive the person's deeper human needs. Then in your attitude, you also want to be objective and open minded. You acknowledge the existence of other points of view even, and maybe especially so, when they do not correspond to your own point of view, or to what you expected to hear. When you invite someone to express himself or herself freely, they need to feel that you are not passing any judgement, and the information you will get will bring you much closer to reality. Finally, to become a better listener, practice what we call active listening techniques. These techniques that invite the other person to talk further, for example, with questions. If you ask closed questions, you will get yes no answers, or figures. You will get a closed answer. Like, how many rooms had your house that was destroyed by the hurricane? How many of your family members were injured? Can you still sleep in your house? Open questions will widen the scope and bring you much more information. For example, can you tell me what happened when your house was hit by the hurricane? How is your situation today? What is your main concern? You also can use reformulation. For example, after a long and unorganized, maybe emotional description, you may reformulate. What I understand from you is that you can sleep at your cousin's tonight, and that your top priority is to find your son. Did I understand you correctly? This way you will make sure that you are on the right track in responding to the person's needs, and also the person will feel heard. To conclude, I'd say that neuroscience has demonstrated that our human brain is not prepared to focus our attention on several things at the same time. We cannot be at the same time present with someone and thinking of something else. If you really want to listen to someone, be fully present and listen with all your heart, your senses, and attention. Do you agree? Oh, sorry, that was a closed question. How did you feel about that? [MUSIC]
