[MUSIC]
Thanks again for joining me.
Now that you're familiar with the coaching role and
responsibilities it's time to examine how your perspective influences all
aspects of your life including how you manage and coach.
In this lesson we'll define and compare facts, stories, and our point of view.
We will discuss how your point of view affects your story and
how your stories influence you as a manager.
Stories, the things that we tell ourselves about facts, are not real.
They're just the stories that we tell.
So something happens, and then I tell myself, it means something over and
over and then I believe it to be true.
But here's where this is so important is that two people could have the exact same
experience, which I'm sure this has happened to you.
Two people go to the movies, two people are raised in the same household,
two people work for the same boss, and they have very different experiences.
Now how is that possible?
But that is possible and that is what happens all the time.
And so the reason this work about point of view is so important for managers is
that we have to understand that our point of view is not the truth.
Our point of view is our perspective, it is our story.
So facts do not tell stories, people tell stories.
[LAUGH] Facts just exist, right?
So, things happen in the world, and then we make them mean something.
So I want to elaborate that on little bit deeper.
If I asked every single person who's taking this course to tell me about
their life, I would first ask you to tell me all the facts of your life.
Where were you born?
Where have you lived?
Tell me about your family members like, who are they, how many do you have?
Where did you go to school?
Tell me about your best friends.
Where have you worked?
What's your religion?
What's your culture?
What part of the world do you live in?
These are all facts, provable.
I was born on this day, I have these parents, I have these siblings.
I went to this school, I have this job.
These are the facts of our lives, right?
Now outside of that, then we start to make those facts mean something.
We tell the story of the facts.
And so I always use this when I teach this in workshop.
I use myself as an example because I think we can all relate.
So what I tell people is I was born in Boston,
shortly thereafter my family moved to Puerto Rico.
Shortly thereafter we lived there for a while, and my parents had a sail boat and
so we used to sail in the Virgin Islands and it was beautiful and lovely time.
Lived their six years then we moved back to the States, and
when we moved back to the States, my parents got divorced, and
then shortly thereafter my mom and I moved to California.
And those are the facts of my life until I went to college, for example.
Now, there's two different ways, or maybe even more I'm sure,
that I could tell that story, right?
I could say, well, I was born in Boston and then we moved to Puerto Rico.
I think that's why I love going to the beach because I spent my childhood at
the beach and on a sail boat.
And I just love the ocean, I love the sea, I love the salt, I love the sand,
I love the way it feels on my skin after a long day at the beach.
And then we moved home, back to the States after living in Puerto Rico and
then my parents got divorced.
And think that's probably why I learned how to be pretty independent,
because I had to be, I was raised by a single mom.
And that's just sort of how life went and it forced me to make some decisions and
be more independent as a young person.
And I think that's carried me on into how I am the way I am today.
I could also tell the story to say I was born in Boston and
then we moved to Puerto Rico and I think that's why I hate the beach.
Spent my whole life at the beach and it was hot and sticky and sandy and
salty and I can't stand to go to the beach.
I avoid it at all costs.
And then we moved home from the beach and
we moved to Virginia and then my parents got divorced.
And I think that's why I've always had issues with men.
[LAUGH] I've always had abandonment problems.
I've always resented having to take care of myself and then we moved to California.
So see, I could tell the story however I want, right?
That's the thing that's so
interesting is what happens though is we kind of forget that we're just,
all that other stuff outside the facts, we're kind of just making it up.
And we believe it to be true, right?
So one of the things I say to people all the time is let's believe stuff that makes
us feel good, right.
And if we're believing things that are painful over and over again,
that's not going to do us any good.
Now, what does any of this have to do with managing people is probably what you're
wondering.
[LAUGH] That's nice you were raised in Puerto Rico, good for
you but what the heck are you bringing this up for?
Well, here's the thing,
we have this story that we tell about who we are in the world.
But we also have a story about what we tell about how other people are in
the world.
And if we believe that our perspective is the truth, is right,
then doesn't that mean someone else is wrong?
And is that going to negatively, potentially,
influence how I coach and manage, and I'm here to tell you it does.
If you have ways of thinking about the world that have gone untested and
then you run into people who think very differently than you, you could really,
really struggle to coach and manage them.
And I'm going to give you more details as we get into the future lessons here.
But this is just to help you see that you could look at the facts of your life and
tell two totally different stories about it.
And the goal is to pick the one that feels really good and
the goal is to pick the one that makes the most sense for
who you are today versus maybe who you were a while ago.
So in summary the stories we tell about ourselves and
the world we live in are constantly being validated and challenged.