I was like any kid. There were things that made me happy- like dancing and watching Inspector Gadget. And things that made me sad, like having to go to bed at 7:30 and being made to eat gross food. Things started to change for me when I was 13, I began to feel an overwhelming sadness like nothing I had felt before and it frightened me. Nobody could see my sadness and it became my private nightmare. At the age of 13, I started to wonder if the only way out was to die. I carried my invisible sadness through much of my high school years. I also started to privately struggle with social situations. My eyes saw a world filled with people who judged me as inferior and unworthy, and I agreed with them. I immersed myself deeply in my studies trying to completely fill my brain with facts and ideas so there would be no room left in my brain for awful thoughts and feelings. There were signs that I was not coping, but nobody responded to them. I was seen as successful winning awards in competitions, taking on leadership roles, maybe it was assumed that this success went hand-in-hand with feeling happy and self-assured. I got into law and while I was at university I got to know my brain pretty well. I could tell when things were starting to go downhill and I would fight my sadness with busyness. I knew that I needed to fight this sadness when it first reared its ugly head because otherwise I'd end up completely overwhelmed, and then I would lose the will to fight. By the time I reached the end of my law degree, I was barely holding it together and I had to ask, "Am I going to be able to hold it together in such a stressful career?" I loved my studies in law but it felt like being a lawyer would be like putting my life on the line. I had always wanted to be a teacher, so the decision was not too painful. I completed a diploma of education and entered the workforce full of enthusiasm and energy. Instead of becoming a lawyer who worked all day and struggled to reach the high standards of my superiors, I became a high school teacher who worked all day and struggled to reach the imaginary standards of my principal, headteacher, colleagues, students and parents. Inside, my mind was fracturing and things escalated out of control. I would secretly work all night marking and preparing lessons. I would work in my classroom through my breaks to avoid socializing in the staffroom. I took on more and more responsibilities- mock trial and debating teams, sports teams, theatrical productions, co-authoring two textbooks. When I did my marking, my comments were longer than the students essays. Somehow I also managed to do some things for myself, for my well-being. I would go for walks and would knock off on the weekend at 8:00 pm to go to see a band or a movie even if I didn't want to but always by myself. I was on the right track, but it was not enough. I completely lost the battle and I ended up in hospital.