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Imagine you're in the circumstance where you've been asked to do something you not

only feel like it will lead you into trouble, you know it's a problem.

So you've identified the tragedies and

you've worked through the decision making framework.

You're very clear on your values, crossing the line doing something illegal?

No.

So, you start working through identifying the issues and

the regulations and the rules, that one's really simple since it's against the law.

You've worked on your questions and your resources and your options.

The first go to solution if none of the things you've tried so far,

you've tried some gentle things with your boss in raising the issues, and

your boss isn't responding at all.

The first go to solution is seeking to find common ground.

So try to find a way to raise the issue

with your boss that aligns interests between your boss and

what your boss wants and what you think is the right thing to do.

We'll talk more about this later,

it focuses on finding the interest of your boss in this situation.

What are interests?

Interests are people's needs, their concerns, their fears.

What's really behind what they say they want, because what people say they want

and what their interests are, are not always aligned?

Sometimes they just haven't thought it through which is why asking questions and

listening can be so powerful.

If you do that and do it well, sometimes people will realize for

themselves that what they, is not maybe what they

maybe they hadn't thoughts through all the consequences very well.

Let’s take a fairly standard example of a conflict between two departments

this kind of things happens all the time in larger organizations.

Your department generates numbers sent to another department and other department

uses those numbers and creates report that gets sent to really important people.

Because your department has been later and later and later,

the other department starts moving the deadline earlier to try to

protect their ability to get the reports in on time.

Pretty soon it hits the point of ridiculous, because pretty soon they're

demanding numbers from you before your unit even has a chance to generate them.

You don't have the numbers in from the field yet, and

now the sparks are flying and the aggression is spiraling, people are mad.

This is the perfect example of finding common ground and bringing it back to

look, we both want solid reports with good data that get in on time.

Let's try to figure out and problem solve.

We totally recognize the spot it puts you in when we're late, and

we can't have numbers before we have numbers.

So let's talk about how we can do this on a schedule that works for both of us.

Try to bring the aggression down, identify the common interests,

we both want good reports that are in on time.

You don't want a report where we make up the numbers because we don't have any yet.

That's the kind of example where finding common ground,

solid reports in on time, works for everybody.

>> Handling difficult situations at work is something that you're going to

encounter everyday at a management level.

And sometimes, at any level in the organization.

How I approach that in a professional capacity in human resources is to

number one, go into the situation with a help me understand approach.

Don't go in with a immediate accusatory tone and

immediate you are doing this to try to defraud the organization.

because it's not going to get you anywhere.

You need to establish trust and respect with the person right from the get go.

Now, I will say this,

as long as this is the first time you're having this discussion.

As you have multiple discussions with people about similar instances,

the conversations do change their tone and approach as they escalate.

But the initial response is respectful, it's questioning,

my favorite phrase that I use often is, help me understand.

This is what I've perceived the situation to be like, so help me understand your

perception of the situation or your perception of this occurrence or whatever.

And it really puts them not on the immediate defense.

It puts them on an immediate I'm just talking, I'm being given

an opportunity to explain rather than being forced to defend myself and

anybody who is defensive is immediately not as responsive,

not as open, not as willing to have the conversation.

For example, we had to approach someone regarding a situation

with a personal use of some credit union funds.

And we approached it in a very, not nonchalant way, but

a very respectful, questioning way to say,

we noticed this is occurring, can you help us understand what's going on here?

And that person kind of just went about it and said yeah that was something and

I was doing x y and z, won't happen again.

Sounds great to us move on.

And then the trust is preserved, the respect is preserved,

you do have to monitor to make sure that the behavior changes.

But you walk out of that situation with both parties feeling

good, for lack of a better word, about the situation and

about the way it's handled rather than walking out feeling defeated, or

demoralized, or just guilty in some way.

And again, as I mentioned before, escalating situations have to be handled

differently and not all can be calm and reasonable.

And those still have to be handled sensitively,

but handled at a heightened level.

But I think a mistake that a lot of managers make is coming in

immediately with that approach.

And it just really, it escalates the situation often times, unnecessarily.

>> The central elements of finding common ground are defining the problem in ways

that both parties agree that clearly identify the interests and

then working together to find solutions.

Okay, let's say that you've tried that in this situation your boss has put you in,

and you're getting nowhere.

The next go-to solution Is to start articulating your reasons and

in your case, base them on your values.

Again, when you practice personal scripts for your values

you're seeking non sanctimonious ways to speak about your values.

So you're not going to say, you're doing something illegal and unmoral, unethical,

I could never do that, you're saying, the consequences here could really be serious.

I'm pretty uncomfortable in a situation where this is something that they audit,

we could get caught.

Be bad for the company, be bad for us individually, this really makes me

uncomfortable, it's not something I really think I'd sleep at night if I did, right?

You're going to talk about your values in a pretty low key non aggressive way.

One of the other pieces of research that it's worth knowing about

is how much human beings care about reasons.

And there's a really cool piece of research about this

done by a researcher named Ellen Linger and her colleagues.

Starting in 1978 they did some really neat experiments that involved people going

to a public library, where there was a line for a copying machine in those days.

And people involved in the research would go in where ever there was a line and

they would go to the front of the line and say, can I go first?

Well, the result is pretty much predictable, right?

You go to a line where there's people waiting and you say, could I go first?

People are going to say, no.

Back of the line is that way.

Here's what they found that's so interesting.

They went to the front of the line and

said, could I go first because I'm in such a rush to make my copies?

Huge majority of the time, more than 90% in some circumstances,

people would say sure, because they they said because I'm in a rush.

There are variations of this where you say can I go first because I'm in a rush

because I have a baby in the car?

Turns out just saying because I'm in a rush, let most people get in.

Here's the kicker to this if they went to the front of the line and

said could I please go first because I want to make some copies?

Just the because, still people let them go first, it's the because.

And if you have a because, and of course a good reason really helps and

yours is a principled reason.

I don't think I could sleep at night, you know,

I don't think I could go home and tell my mom I've done this.

I would be really, I just don't think I could look myself in the mirror.

Maybe you wouldn't say that one because maybe that implies the boss could,

you might want to think about your boss and the circumstances.

So the second piece, you've tried all the solutions first,

you can't find common ground,

the second go to solution is stating a principled reason, giving that because.

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2.5.3: Find Common Ground

Shaping Your Professional Brand

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